A short one

Left the hotel at 11.00 after saying farewells to Ashok and his family, as we are being driven through to Delhi by Anil a friend of Ashok and who has to return to Delhi for work having taken leave for the wedding.

As we waited in the hotel forecourt for the pickup the Nepalese waiter who has served us at breakfast everyday came out of the hotel, shook our hands and wished us safe travels - that was a heartwarming gesture.

The drive through to Delhi was uneventful other than the traffic density as we neared the city.

The hotel was found and we booked in. A tip for all travellers: Do not believe the ratings and reviews on the booking sites. I’ll put it this way - the current rating of 9.8 will be severely reduced after we write our review.

It was well into the afternoon so we took a tuk tuk to Aerocity for lunch and some retail therapy- the former was had but the latter wasn’t as at lunch Sherry asked a lass in the food court where the best place for shopping was and was advised it was at Ambience Mall further away from the airport, so it was another tuk tuk journey across this part of the city.

The mall is in fact 3 malls flowing into each other, of at least 3 levels with the wide array of shops typically found in malls.

I saw a European face for the first time since we left the airport on our arrival and was also surprised (not sure why) by the number of Asian faces both shop assistants and shoppers.

Had dinner in the mall and returned by tuk tuk to the hotel.

An emotional day

We were expecting to book out of the hotel this morning as we had been told on booking in that it was full tonight due to a ceremony relating to a wedding so we had just about finished packing when the receptionist called and told us we could stay a further night. The call came almost directly after Ashok had sent a message “Is this your hotel even today” and I suspect that he had something to do with it as we had told him yesterday that we needed to find another hotel. However it had come about we are grateful as though it’s not the classiest establishment (though it could be so around here) it is comfortable enough even though housekeeping is next to not existent  

As we were walking up the stairs from breakfast an older Indian man was coming down, he stopped offered his hand and then hugged us both all the time speaking in his language-all we could respond with is the traditional Namaste greeting and bow and we went our separate ways.

  

The people around here are something special!

Got to Ashok’s and found Gita, his sister and Riya asleep  - we can understand Gita being asleep as she was at the last ceremony until 5.30am then came home and fed the buffaloes before having a quick nap and then got back up and milked them, she had earned the right to do so. She is Ashok’s rock.

The people around here are something special!

It was very hot today though the weather app suggested it was only 38 degrees and the village was “dead”; a combination I suspect of the previous day’s activities and the oppressive heat.

 

Ashok needed some sleep so he went into the yet to be completed “guest room” for a snooze while we sat in the bedroom where Gita was sleeping under the aircon.

 

Sitting around doing nothing is not us so around 2.30pm we decided to accept the challenge and to walk around the village. Did I say it was hot, it was 🔥🔥 and we moved slowly from area of shade to area of shade. About halfway round a family came out of their home and it was obvious they were saying “what the hell are you two old farts doing walking around in this heat, come inside for a drink”. We managed to convince them that we would decline their invitation so it changed to “Come inside so we can take a photo, only 1 click” so we did so but the one click quickly became many clicks”

 

When we finally managed to get away and finish our walk we commented that it was again humbling that strangers would show such concern for us as they don’t go outside in the heat of the afternoon.

 

The people around here are something special!

 

Finally got back home and Gita had woken while Ashok still had a little to go. When he did join us with Gita, Sherry offered Gita her saree as we couldn’t see that it would be worn again and Gita gratefully accepted.

 

As this was our farewell visit and Ashok would be driving us through to Delhi in the morning it was appropriate that we thanked them both for the invitation to come to the wedding and the hospitality that they had showered on us and we reimbursed them for the extra cost they had incurred in feeding us, the petrol Ashok had used in driving us from and to Delhi and back and forth to hotels and the cost of the jutti shoes he had purchased for me to wear at the wedding as well we gave both of them some personal money and also some funds to be put into Priya and Riya’s wedding accounts.

 

By now the temperature had fallen (just a little) so we started a walk to visit some of those folk who we had contact with and say goodbye.

We firstly went to Sireta’s home, Ashok’s best women friend, and spoke with her and another lady who is always there around milking time. She wouldn’t let us leave without sharing a coffee and by now it was obvious that this wasn’t going to be a “hi bye thanks for having us” type of walk.

Before leaving she insisted that we return for her son’s wedding at a future date though as yet the likelihood of a marriage is not in the same post code let alone the same street.

The people around here are something special!

 

Onto Virender Singh’s house and again invited in and offered a drink. An inter generational family of 7, Virender’s mother and father, he and his wife, his daughter and her husband and their child. Again it was difficult to get away – we thanked him and his family for their hospitality, he thanking us for coming to the village and “that our presence had been good for the village”. When we thought about that later it struck us that we may well have been the only non-Indian folk to spend time in the village and I had noticed that as we had interacted with the various groups of younger men he had been observing from a distance.

 

Before we left he invited us back for any future village wedding!

 

The people around here are something special!

 

Onto Ashok’s big brother’s house, Bir Singh, Sapna’s dad. The house is directly linked to Ashok’s old house which with the greatest of respect is almost uninhabitable though his mother and father live there. There was a room to keep the buffalo, an animal food storage area, a kitchen and one bedroom all very small. The daily cooking of chapatti is over a stick fire on a stair landing. How Ashok lived here as a family of 4 defies belief but he said he was very happy there and it was Gita who suggested they build a new house.

 

The people around here are something special!

 

Further up the lane lived his cousins brother, a gent with a sizeable tummy and because of the fact that he has a large multi-storey house Ashok jokes that he needs 2 rooms as he can’t fit into one hence the size of the home. We were shown, very proudly through every room of the home which would have been the equivalent of a Remuera home in comparison to most of the others which appear to be extremely basic and a very poor standard.

 

 

                                                   Ashok’s uncompleted home

                                      Ashok’s second brothers new but uncompleted home 

respect 

                                        Ashok’s eldest brothers new but uncompleted home

By now we were anxious to get away but there was one final ceremony that was still to take place and that was a procession of the women walking from Sapna’s family home out the lane and up a small distance in the direction of the wedding venue.

 

As they walked they were chanting/singing and yes Sherry had to be in the procession but one of the old dears who had taken a shine to her helpfully took her arm and shepherded her through though I don’t think trying to get Sherry to dance to the singing was in the script.

 

As they returned to the starting point the old dear started massaging Sherry’s lower limbs, implying that they were tired from the dancing, all done with a smile and she then approached me and bent and touched my foot showing her respect 

The people around here are something special!

 

Finally we moved to get into Ashok’s vehicle but to get into it we had to get past a bevy of women and Virender who had all come to see us away. An emotional send off!

 

The people around here are something special!

 

Arrived back at the hotel and as we got onto our floor who should be coming out of his room but the gent who had greeted us this morning and he approached and gave us both a strong hug

 The people around here are something special!

 

Over dinner in the hotel we chatted about our time in the village and agreed that when we first came to India and travelled the north with Ashok and passed through the villages we never thought that we would or could ever spend time in that type of environment as it wasn’t us, and now having spent the better part of a week doing so, living there is still not us, but without question the people we have met and the traditions that we have been part of certainly change one’s perception of how life should be lived. People with very little, possibly a lot on a subsistence income only with no possibility of improving themselves have the biggest hearts imaginable, hospitality beyond description and show total care and respect for their fellow villagers and guests like us.

 

The people around here are something special!

A new sign up today in front of the hotel

My cousin’s brother - my cousin who is male!!!

 

What just happened???

Today was the final day of the wedding ceremonies so it was back to Ashok’s late morning.

Luckily no turban was in sight or mentioned which I was thankful for.

On the invitation that we received there were times set out for various individual ceremonies scheduled for the day the first being at 2.15. Come that time Sherry was still waiting to be helped dressing in her saree.

Long story short she did get dressed and we moved to the main area around 4.30pm and on entry your name, place of residence was taken and the value of the gift you were giving was entered into a book. As  we like most guests were giving cash I handed over a stack after announcing its value but the amount was not recorded until after it had been counted out by the bookkeeper. 

As soon as we sat snacks were served - deep fried items and a very sweet sugar cane and halwa mix.

After a while, times now seemed unimportant, Ashok called us over to witness the Bhaat Ceremony which was very much like the Tilak ceremony that occurred the other night except that the givers of cash were the bride’s mothers male side which is that side of the family’s way of assisting with the cost of the wedding - the paternal side of the bride has the cost of the wedding and the maternal side provides some support by way of cash and gifts.

Initially a wad of cash was given then various paternal family members were called to kneel in the centre of the circle in order of seniority within the family and have their forehead marked with a red paste and pieces of rice affixed on the paste and given some payment.

 It was interesting watching the process until I was called reluctantly into the circle where my forehead was marked and I was given a 200rs note with the gentleman giving the note saying “accept this with our love and respect”. As I exited the circle he followed me over to where Sherry was sitting gave her a 200rs note said the same words, bent and touched her foot, a Hindi way of showing respect and then turned, returned to the circle and proceeded with the ceremony.

We looked at each other with a what the f… happened there look on our faces - we felt incredibly humbled and overwhelmed by the love and respect they showed to us and effectively saying you are part of our family something Ashok has said constantly since we arrived. 

As the final act of the ceremony everyone on site, cooks, waiters and guests were given a 10rs note

As Ashok had spent large on the wedding we happily stuffed what we had received into his shirt pocket.

After the ceremony we were joined by 3 11-13 year old lads who wanted to practice what little English they had learnt so far so we had a small q&a session until we ran out of the basic questions.  

Then we were joined by another group this time young men, some still completing their schooling, another studying to be a physiotherapist in Bengaluru and another slightly older who was a police officer and with one having quite good English the chat was quite wide ranging as we quizzed each other on our lives and cultures. We can’t speak more highly of the people we have encountered- polite, respectful, caring are three words that come quickly to mind. 

Then there was another ceremony (for family members, yes that included us) back at Sapna’s house where again the ceremony where couples scooped a mix of curd and mustard oil with a coin from a bowl and rubbed it into her hair seven times was repeated.

Returning to the venue, an open air paddock suitably decorated, all the villagers converged for a meal which comprised the full range of Indian from the breads through the curries and then the sweet dishes and it was at this time that the numbers in attendance were at the highest- say 1200.

By now ladies were dancing to another disco, this time pitched at a more sensible sound level and for the most part we watched and enjoyed though Sherry was invited to participate on more occasions than she wanted.

It was nearing 11.30 and the groom and his guests hadn’t yet arrived in the village but the fireworks which were starting to explode above signalled he was close so we moved out into the street where he would be welcomed. He arrived led by a mobile disco, dancers behind, and he sat on a brightly lit horse drawn carriage.

At the entrance to the venue the ladies who comprised the close family members of Sapna waited to welcome him into the village and each, Sherry included, then gifted him 500rs and his forehead was marked. He, Rohit, then went to Sapna’s home where in private the marriage ceremony took place while we waited with others back at the venue.

At around 12.30am the newly weds then made their grand entrance into the venue ending up on stage on an ornate throne and then the guests, who wanted to, couple by couple came up on stage stood behind them showing that they held a note before handing the cash to them and which they passed to their “treasurer”.

 

Sherry and I did so and as we started to leave we were asked to sit on the arms of the throne, one each side for photos and again we went to leave but Ashok and Gita come up and insisted we stay as they made their gift and we have “a family photo” with the couple.

By now is was closing in on 1:30am, the ceremonies other than one which would not take place until the early hours of the morning when Sapna left the family home had now finished so Ashok and Gita returned us to our hotel.

Our first Indian wedding was now over and it was a thoroughly enjoyable occasion and I hazard a guess that we had our photos taken more times that the bridal couple did as any one we talked with (tried to communicate with) all wanted to have a photo taken – even as we were leaving two middle aged gents stopped us and requested a photo and as we moved off to the car Ashok told us that one was Rohit’s father.

The fact that we had taken the trouble to dress in Indian clothing seemed to be appreciated and Sherry was complimented numerous times by numerous ladies and a few men who admired her saree – the compliment was usually a slight tug on the saree with a smile. 

The hospitality was both outstanding and truly humbling.

Regrettably we are encountering issues with transferring photos from iPhone to iPad photos will be on an if able basis.

We have one more day in the village before going back to Delhi tomorrow for 2 days to decompress before flying home.

Sherry’s henna

 

Oh what a night!!!! Oh what a party!!!!

 After breakfast we donned our Indian gear, Sherry in a long dress over pants with a dupatta and me in a kurta over pajama pants, and went to Ashok’s village.

Sapna came over and spent sometime chatting with us and invited Sherry to go to her house later in the morning and have henna applied to her lower arms and hand – it was intriguing watching a young lad create the design as he went with a very steady hand. Then came the 90 minute or so wait for it to dry before washing thoroughly to remove the surface paste leaving the “tattoo”.

 

                    One of Sherry’s arms before the henna has dried and been washed

The afternoon was spent visiting other villagers- firstly Ashok’s woman friend and her friends. In the house opposite hers the food preparations for the wedding tomorrow were taking place, the chefs being a hired team, while men from the village were on hand to address any problem filling in their time playing the Indian version of rummy.

 A short walk away Raj resides and we headed there but he was out in his field so we continued over to met him. His field is a very short distance from the Haryana Rajasthan border. A chat by the field before calling in to Raj’s extended family home where we met a group of female members of his wider family.

 

Then it was back to Raj’s home for another group chat. 

Returning to Ashok’s place we passed the mobile disco truck setting up in front of Sapna’s home for the sangeet being the woman’s dance the night before the wedding.

 

We together with Ashok, a friend and 2 other men, who were said to be Ashok’s “cousin’s brother” a very common term when introduced to someone – “he’s my cousin’s brother”, sat around sharing a bottle of whisky, I gave it away after 3 glasses, while Gita prepared a meal.

 By now the music from the disco truck was being played- very catchy Indian tunes with the decibel level being at the extreme end of any scale, so much so that my watch frequently gave a warning that the “Sound is at a dangerous level”. Behind the truck the women were dancing and of course not long after we arrived Sherry was “pulled” into the circle to dance.

 

The rhythm and moves that these women exhibit makes a lovely colourful sight, they being attired in some superb Indian garments.

 

The disco then moves about 50m and dancing continues at this new location until it moves on again with the women moving along as well until it has gone all the way around the extremity of the village arriving back at its starting point – the whole circuit wasn’t completed until  around 12.30

 

Ashok and his 2 cousins brothers didn’t join the group until the dancing had moved someway along the circuit and it soon became obvious why – they had being finishing the bottle of whisky and perhaps another one or two as Ashok was well on the way to being plastered – he was late to marriage and during that unmarried time he was effectively Sapna’s godfather (or the Indian equivalent) so this was “his night” as well and he was going to enjoy it!

 

The loudness of the music was deafening and even now, the next morning, my ears are still ringing and one can only wonder what it has done to the collective hearing of the villagers who have to endure it everytime there is wedding.

 

Today is the wedding day so we look forward to what that brings with some degree of trepidation as have already been told that I will be wearing a turban! Sherry will be wearing her new saree for the first and possibly last time. One thing for sure is that it will be another experience to treasure

Raj

With some villagers

With Sapna

Sucking the hookah

We bailed!

 The windstorm last night turned into a thunderstorm and by the time it was over the floors in Ashok’s home were covered in sand and the electricity was kaput and while he had an inverter to obtain power from his solar battery power was only intermittent throughout the night.

At 4am the local temple started to blare out its “tune” for the next 2 hours and during that time Gita was up grinding wheat noisily outside our bedroom. We laid on the bed for as long as we could before getting up and Ashok wasn’t there as he is heavily involved in the wedding preparations as well as dealing with the electrical issues. While Gita was present communicating with her in any worthwhile way is not possible.

 

Much as we welcomed the opportunity to stay in the village the lack of sleep and staying in a half completed house including taking over the only bedroom fit for occupation started to create some stress (for us at least) so we decided to bail.

 

Discussed with Ashok when he returned and though a difficult conversation from our point of view given the hospitality he had shown he understood and arranged for us to move  back into the local hotel later in the day.

 

Today is the day the wedding ceremonies start and at around 8.30 the villagers en mass started to congregate on a plot adjacent to Ashok’s place, the women sitting in a circle together each tipping a quantity of wheat into a bowl before they sat and the men sitting in another group.

The ladies sang various chants before Sapna moved over to sit in front of the men’s circle where a blessing or similar took place and where her immediate relations offered or indicated their wedding gifts. Ashok had been away for most of yesterday afternoon purchasing his gifts which were a bed, a sewing machine, a  wardrobe and a sofa (total spent 88,000rs / $1600NZD some of which had to be put on an account).

 

The gifts were then loaded onto a truck to take to the groom’s talik ceremony in the afternoon.

 

As we watched the men loading the truck a group of late teens early twenty males started chatting and then invited us to sit around with them while they had a “smoke” so we went into another house and sat around chatting, quizzing each other on our cultures and families while the hookah was passed around.

 

We then moved to Sapna’s home where her immediate family took part in another ceremony where a turmeric paste was smeared on her knees, her cheeks and her head covering all the time the woman lead by one from the Brahman caste continued their chants.

 

Then relatives, each a couple, came forward and the male scooped a mixture of curd and mustard oil with a coin and placed that mixture on Sapna’s hair which the female would spread through her hair – each couple doing it seven times and then the male would pass some money to a lady who appeared to be supervising the ceremony – we were invited as a de facto relative to participate.

 

By now it was hitting around 10.45 so we moved to Ashok’s woman friends house (the lady whose husband was killed on Police duty) where around 11.30 breakfast was served - it’s difficult to know what is mealtime in the village.

 

We then packed up and we were brought to the Royal Tulip hotel and picked up again at 4.00 after showering and changing into more formal garb to drive the 50km to the groom’s village for his talik ceremony where the gifts Sapna received are presented to show the groom’s family that he will be well provided for

When we arrived at the Grooms village the women entered while the men remained outside the venue. A short time later the men were called for “snacks” in a well decorated large area following which they returned to the area outside the venue.

After a while the men from the groom’s village were welcomed into the area the ladies had gone into and subsequently the men from the bride’s side were welcomed into the venue.

The men from Sapna’s side then sat cross legged, something I couldn’t achieve but I got close, on the ground facing the men from the groom’s side. The ceremony then commenced with the groom, Rohit, sitting in the middle of the circle and being blessed by the “master of ceremonies” who chanted the words of the blessing.

The bride’s group then gave Rohit a range of gifts after which he left and then one by one men from Rohit’s party came into the circle and were blessed by a leader of Sapna’s group and then given some money. On a couple of occasions the amount given was obviously not in keeping with the status of the recipient who was advised by his “leader” to hold out his hand for more. When the stream of individuals stopped the “opposition leader” looked at a list he obviously had, a call out was made to someone by name to come and get into the circle for his handout - it was all a bit uncomfortable from my point of view but I accept that it is their custom.

A sizeable wad was handed to a person I assumed to be the groom’s father and instead of placing it in the handbag sized wallet he had as I would have, he counted it out in an exaggerated manner before doing so and without a thank you or acknowledgement to Sapna’s dad, Ashok’s brother, who was funding these handouts.

Finally two lads from Sapna’s village where given wads of notes and they walked among the men from the other side who hadn’t received anything so far and gave them a note.

All in all interesting but a bit tacky!

At the conclusion of this ceremony I met up with Sherry, we compared our notes (Sherry being invited to another wedding in around 6 months) and had a meal that was on offer being guided by Virender Singh who I mentioned in yesterday’s post.

By now the music was blaring out, children had started dancing, most (ok all) with more rhythm than I possess and fireworks were overhead and this for a ceremony two days before the main event.

Before leaving we made a spectacle of ourselves dancing with Ashok, Gita, the two girls and a little later with Raj Kumar who I’ve mentioned earlier who was the driver today before coming home being regaled by Raj on the way and who may well have been on something either liquid or otherwise.

We estimate around 700 were at this event and we being the only non-Indian attracted both staring and also unrequested but friendly contact - we certainly stood out like a couple of spare pricks at a wedding!

Some photos