What just happened???

Today was the final day of the wedding ceremonies so it was back to Ashok’s late morning.

Luckily no turban was in sight or mentioned which I was thankful for.

On the invitation that we received there were times set out for various individual ceremonies scheduled for the day the first being at 2.15. Come that time Sherry was still waiting to be helped dressing in her saree.

Long story short she did get dressed and we moved to the main area around 4.30pm and on entry your name, place of residence was taken and the value of the gift you were giving was entered into a book. As  we like most guests were giving cash I handed over a stack after announcing its value but the amount was not recorded until after it had been counted out by the bookkeeper. 

As soon as we sat snacks were served - deep fried items and a very sweet sugar cane and halwa mix.

After a while, times now seemed unimportant, Ashok called us over to witness the Bhaat Ceremony which was very much like the Tilak ceremony that occurred the other night except that the givers of cash were the bride’s mothers male side which is that side of the family’s way of assisting with the cost of the wedding - the paternal side of the bride has the cost of the wedding and the maternal side provides some support by way of cash and gifts.

Initially a wad of cash was given then various paternal family members were called to kneel in the centre of the circle in order of seniority within the family and have their forehead marked with a red paste and pieces of rice affixed on the paste and given some payment.

 It was interesting watching the process until I was called reluctantly into the circle where my forehead was marked and I was given a 200rs note with the gentleman giving the note saying “accept this with our love and respect”. As I exited the circle he followed me over to where Sherry was sitting gave her a 200rs note said the same words, bent and touched her foot, a Hindi way of showing respect and then turned, returned to the circle and proceeded with the ceremony.

We looked at each other with a what the f… happened there look on our faces - we felt incredibly humbled and overwhelmed by the love and respect they showed to us and effectively saying you are part of our family something Ashok has said constantly since we arrived. 

As the final act of the ceremony everyone on site, cooks, waiters and guests were given a 10rs note

As Ashok had spent large on the wedding we happily stuffed what we had received into his shirt pocket.

After the ceremony we were joined by 3 11-13 year old lads who wanted to practice what little English they had learnt so far so we had a small q&a session until we ran out of the basic questions.  

Then we were joined by another group this time young men, some still completing their schooling, another studying to be a physiotherapist in Bengaluru and another slightly older who was a police officer and with one having quite good English the chat was quite wide ranging as we quizzed each other on our lives and cultures. We can’t speak more highly of the people we have encountered- polite, respectful, caring are three words that come quickly to mind. 

Then there was another ceremony (for family members, yes that included us) back at Sapna’s house where again the ceremony where couples scooped a mix of curd and mustard oil with a coin from a bowl and rubbed it into her hair seven times was repeated.

Returning to the venue, an open air paddock suitably decorated, all the villagers converged for a meal which comprised the full range of Indian from the breads through the curries and then the sweet dishes and it was at this time that the numbers in attendance were at the highest- say 1200.

By now ladies were dancing to another disco, this time pitched at a more sensible sound level and for the most part we watched and enjoyed though Sherry was invited to participate on more occasions than she wanted.

It was nearing 11.30 and the groom and his guests hadn’t yet arrived in the village but the fireworks which were starting to explode above signalled he was close so we moved out into the street where he would be welcomed. He arrived led by a mobile disco, dancers behind, and he sat on a brightly lit horse drawn carriage.

At the entrance to the venue the ladies who comprised the close family members of Sapna waited to welcome him into the village and each, Sherry included, then gifted him 500rs and his forehead was marked. He, Rohit, then went to Sapna’s home where in private the marriage ceremony took place while we waited with others back at the venue.

At around 12.30am the newly weds then made their grand entrance into the venue ending up on stage on an ornate throne and then the guests, who wanted to, couple by couple came up on stage stood behind them showing that they held a note before handing the cash to them and which they passed to their “treasurer”.

 

Sherry and I did so and as we started to leave we were asked to sit on the arms of the throne, one each side for photos and again we went to leave but Ashok and Gita come up and insisted we stay as they made their gift and we have “a family photo” with the couple.

By now is was closing in on 1:30am, the ceremonies other than one which would not take place until the early hours of the morning when Sapna left the family home had now finished so Ashok and Gita returned us to our hotel.

Our first Indian wedding was now over and it was a thoroughly enjoyable occasion and I hazard a guess that we had our photos taken more times that the bridal couple did as any one we talked with (tried to communicate with) all wanted to have a photo taken – even as we were leaving two middle aged gents stopped us and requested a photo and as we moved off to the car Ashok told us that one was Rohit’s father.

The fact that we had taken the trouble to dress in Indian clothing seemed to be appreciated and Sherry was complimented numerous times by numerous ladies and a few men who admired her saree – the compliment was usually a slight tug on the saree with a smile. 

The hospitality was both outstanding and truly humbling.

Regrettably we are encountering issues with transferring photos from iPhone to iPad photos will be on an if able basis.

We have one more day in the village before going back to Delhi tomorrow for 2 days to decompress before flying home.

Sherry’s henna

 

Oh what a night!!!! Oh what a party!!!!

 After breakfast we donned our Indian gear, Sherry in a long dress over pants with a dupatta and me in a kurta over pajama pants, and went to Ashok’s village.

Sapna came over and spent sometime chatting with us and invited Sherry to go to her house later in the morning and have henna applied to her lower arms and hand – it was intriguing watching a young lad create the design as he went with a very steady hand. Then came the 90 minute or so wait for it to dry before washing thoroughly to remove the surface paste leaving the “tattoo”.

 

                    One of Sherry’s arms before the henna has dried and been washed

The afternoon was spent visiting other villagers- firstly Ashok’s woman friend and her friends. In the house opposite hers the food preparations for the wedding tomorrow were taking place, the chefs being a hired team, while men from the village were on hand to address any problem filling in their time playing the Indian version of rummy.

 A short walk away Raj resides and we headed there but he was out in his field so we continued over to met him. His field is a very short distance from the Haryana Rajasthan border. A chat by the field before calling in to Raj’s extended family home where we met a group of female members of his wider family.

 

Then it was back to Raj’s home for another group chat. 

Returning to Ashok’s place we passed the mobile disco truck setting up in front of Sapna’s home for the sangeet being the woman’s dance the night before the wedding.

 

We together with Ashok, a friend and 2 other men, who were said to be Ashok’s “cousin’s brother” a very common term when introduced to someone – “he’s my cousin’s brother”, sat around sharing a bottle of whisky, I gave it away after 3 glasses, while Gita prepared a meal.

 By now the music from the disco truck was being played- very catchy Indian tunes with the decibel level being at the extreme end of any scale, so much so that my watch frequently gave a warning that the “Sound is at a dangerous level”. Behind the truck the women were dancing and of course not long after we arrived Sherry was “pulled” into the circle to dance.

 

The rhythm and moves that these women exhibit makes a lovely colourful sight, they being attired in some superb Indian garments.

 

The disco then moves about 50m and dancing continues at this new location until it moves on again with the women moving along as well until it has gone all the way around the extremity of the village arriving back at its starting point – the whole circuit wasn’t completed until  around 12.30

 

Ashok and his 2 cousins brothers didn’t join the group until the dancing had moved someway along the circuit and it soon became obvious why – they had being finishing the bottle of whisky and perhaps another one or two as Ashok was well on the way to being plastered – he was late to marriage and during that unmarried time he was effectively Sapna’s godfather (or the Indian equivalent) so this was “his night” as well and he was going to enjoy it!

 

The loudness of the music was deafening and even now, the next morning, my ears are still ringing and one can only wonder what it has done to the collective hearing of the villagers who have to endure it everytime there is wedding.

 

Today is the wedding day so we look forward to what that brings with some degree of trepidation as have already been told that I will be wearing a turban! Sherry will be wearing her new saree for the first and possibly last time. One thing for sure is that it will be another experience to treasure

Raj

With some villagers

With Sapna

Sucking the hookah

We bailed!

 The windstorm last night turned into a thunderstorm and by the time it was over the floors in Ashok’s home were covered in sand and the electricity was kaput and while he had an inverter to obtain power from his solar battery power was only intermittent throughout the night.

At 4am the local temple started to blare out its “tune” for the next 2 hours and during that time Gita was up grinding wheat noisily outside our bedroom. We laid on the bed for as long as we could before getting up and Ashok wasn’t there as he is heavily involved in the wedding preparations as well as dealing with the electrical issues. While Gita was present communicating with her in any worthwhile way is not possible.

 

Much as we welcomed the opportunity to stay in the village the lack of sleep and staying in a half completed house including taking over the only bedroom fit for occupation started to create some stress (for us at least) so we decided to bail.

 

Discussed with Ashok when he returned and though a difficult conversation from our point of view given the hospitality he had shown he understood and arranged for us to move  back into the local hotel later in the day.

 

Today is the day the wedding ceremonies start and at around 8.30 the villagers en mass started to congregate on a plot adjacent to Ashok’s place, the women sitting in a circle together each tipping a quantity of wheat into a bowl before they sat and the men sitting in another group.

The ladies sang various chants before Sapna moved over to sit in front of the men’s circle where a blessing or similar took place and where her immediate relations offered or indicated their wedding gifts. Ashok had been away for most of yesterday afternoon purchasing his gifts which were a bed, a sewing machine, a  wardrobe and a sofa (total spent 88,000rs / $1600NZD some of which had to be put on an account).

 

The gifts were then loaded onto a truck to take to the groom’s talik ceremony in the afternoon.

 

As we watched the men loading the truck a group of late teens early twenty males started chatting and then invited us to sit around with them while they had a “smoke” so we went into another house and sat around chatting, quizzing each other on our cultures and families while the hookah was passed around.

 

We then moved to Sapna’s home where her immediate family took part in another ceremony where a turmeric paste was smeared on her knees, her cheeks and her head covering all the time the woman lead by one from the Brahman caste continued their chants.

 

Then relatives, each a couple, came forward and the male scooped a mixture of curd and mustard oil with a coin and placed that mixture on Sapna’s hair which the female would spread through her hair – each couple doing it seven times and then the male would pass some money to a lady who appeared to be supervising the ceremony – we were invited as a de facto relative to participate.

 

By now it was hitting around 10.45 so we moved to Ashok’s woman friends house (the lady whose husband was killed on Police duty) where around 11.30 breakfast was served - it’s difficult to know what is mealtime in the village.

 

We then packed up and we were brought to the Royal Tulip hotel and picked up again at 4.00 after showering and changing into more formal garb to drive the 50km to the groom’s village for his talik ceremony where the gifts Sapna received are presented to show the groom’s family that he will be well provided for

When we arrived at the Grooms village the women entered while the men remained outside the venue. A short time later the men were called for “snacks” in a well decorated large area following which they returned to the area outside the venue.

After a while the men from the groom’s village were welcomed into the area the ladies had gone into and subsequently the men from the bride’s side were welcomed into the venue.

The men from Sapna’s side then sat cross legged, something I couldn’t achieve but I got close, on the ground facing the men from the groom’s side. The ceremony then commenced with the groom, Rohit, sitting in the middle of the circle and being blessed by the “master of ceremonies” who chanted the words of the blessing.

The bride’s group then gave Rohit a range of gifts after which he left and then one by one men from Rohit’s party came into the circle and were blessed by a leader of Sapna’s group and then given some money. On a couple of occasions the amount given was obviously not in keeping with the status of the recipient who was advised by his “leader” to hold out his hand for more. When the stream of individuals stopped the “opposition leader” looked at a list he obviously had, a call out was made to someone by name to come and get into the circle for his handout - it was all a bit uncomfortable from my point of view but I accept that it is their custom.

A sizeable wad was handed to a person I assumed to be the groom’s father and instead of placing it in the handbag sized wallet he had as I would have, he counted it out in an exaggerated manner before doing so and without a thank you or acknowledgement to Sapna’s dad, Ashok’s brother, who was funding these handouts.

Finally two lads from Sapna’s village where given wads of notes and they walked among the men from the other side who hadn’t received anything so far and gave them a note.

All in all interesting but a bit tacky!

At the conclusion of this ceremony I met up with Sherry, we compared our notes (Sherry being invited to another wedding in around 6 months) and had a meal that was on offer being guided by Virender Singh who I mentioned in yesterday’s post.

By now the music was blaring out, children had started dancing, most (ok all) with more rhythm than I possess and fireworks were overhead and this for a ceremony two days before the main event.

Before leaving we made a spectacle of ourselves dancing with Ashok, Gita, the two girls and a little later with Raj Kumar who I’ve mentioned earlier who was the driver today before coming home being regaled by Raj on the way and who may well have been on something either liquid or otherwise.

We estimate around 700 were at this event and we being the only non-Indian attracted both staring and also unrequested but friendly contact - we certainly stood out like a couple of spare pricks at a wedding!

Some photos 

It was very humbling…

…. to be shown by Ashok yesterday an A3 sized photo of Sherry and I printed on glass and to be told that the photo was to hang in their bedroom once the house had been fully completed.

There have been some contradictions in what we understood Ashok to have told us on our first trip and what is in fact the position and perhaps that has been through miscommunication on his part or our misunderstanding of what he said.

 

Two that surprised us are the fact that his is a love marriage not an arranged one and that his girls would be able to choose life partners provided those chosen were acceptable to him and Gita.

 

He told us that Gita who comes from Jharkhand, a state 1200kms south east of Delhi moved to Delhi for work and it was there that she & Ashok met and the rest is history 

 

In our time in Narnaul and the surrounding area we have not seen another non-Indian face and therefore it’s of no surprise that we are continually “stared” at, Sherry perhaps more so.

 

Another Hotel Dev breakfast, at least the coffee and curd was, but other offerings were left untouched particularly the papaya on the servery which was being visited by some cockroaches!!

 

Having had our credit card rejected at the saree shop we thought we should get some more cash on board so went out into the chaos to find an ATM; without luck.

 

The heat, even at 9.30 was quite oppressive so we returned to our room where I thought a Google for the nearest ATM might show a result and luckily I wasn’t wrong so it was back out to walk the 200m in another direction to a Punjabi Bank ATM and complete the transaction.

 

We decided to walk a different route back to the hotel, via a road behind the main road, and it wasn’t too long before we wished we hadn’t as apart from having to cross a very wet and muddy patch the rubbish on the way was extreme.

 

On the way to our room I checked with the receptionist to ascertain our account as we were booking out today and was surprised that we were charged extra for booking in between 12 & 1 pm on the first day rather than after 2pm and also if I paid by card there would be an additional 5% GST which wouldn’t apply if we paid with cash – one wonders if the Government knows this.

 

Out of curiosity I checked Google reviews for the hotel and everyone was complimentary of food, rooms and service whereas our rating would have been negative – as all the reviews bore Indian names it perhaps reflected the fact that their standards, given many Indians have not travelled out of India and not experienced anything different, weren’t as high as ours.

 

We then moved to Ashok’s house and wondered given what still needed to be done whether the room was indeed going to be completed by tonight.

 

The heat is too intense to go outside so for the afternoon hours you sit around indoors in front of an aircon and it seems to be during this time that the closeness that villagers have with each other is on display.

 

We were sitting alone in the main room and 2 older women and 2 youngsters came in and one proceeded to make a milk drink for the toddler. Not long later Ashok’s mother came in and joined the group and then a little later Gita came with the group making a nice photo and a while later an elder woman joined – they all made themselves at home, as if today was the day that they would all congregate in Gita’s home

                                                      Priya not to be outdone

 

Around 3.30 when the temperature had dropped (to 40) we decided to leave the ladies to themselves (the talk was incessant and loud and we needed a little “free time”) we decided to go for a walk out in the village.

 

Folk who were sitting in the homes looking out, all acknowledged us with a wave or Namaste as we idled along the lanes stopping in various areas of shade. Luckily we passed a shop, perhaps the only one in the village as we haven’t seen any others, and we stopped and purchased a large bottle of water which was a life saver – figuratively and perhaps literally.

 

Commonsense said turnaround and get back inside so we retraced our steps again acknowledging and being acknowledged by the locals. Nearing the end of the walk we passed a home and the gentleman greeted us with “hello how are you”, “fine thanks and how are you” “fine, come inside” so we did and meet Virender Singh, a Delhi policeman, a cousin of Ashok, and his family.

We were offered water and a glass of strawberry lassi. We chatted for a while, cricket was included in the conversation, even though making each other understood was a challenge before we took our leave in case Ashok or Gita were worried that we had succumbed to the heat.

While thanking them we were told that we were welcome and told to call again! As they would be attending the wedding so we will meet them again.

 

How many of us would invite an unknown couple who happened to be walking passed our home inside and offer them a drink? This seems to be the way in this community.

When it got slightly cooler we again went for a village walk but in a different direction to end the day and now more folk were out and about including these smiling gents and this grandma with a toddler 

 

Just after I posted the blog a windstorm went through the area taking out the electricity, blowing sand through the as yet unglazed windows and sending items of rubbish down the street 

 

 

A day at the village

 Arrived back at the hotel around 11.30pm not because we went to a wedding, now that might make a good yarn one day, but because we attended a sangeet.

With the body crying out for sleep starting the blog now would be foolish so if you are interested sign back in late this afternoon 

 Breakfast restaurant opening hour in the hotel was 8.00am and that suited us fine as Ashok had arranged a pickup for 9.00am but when we went it was obvious that there was no way service would start then and we were told to come back in 30 minutes.

 

We did so and sat in the restaurant for around another 10-15 minutes before we were served a very basic breakfast though the coffee wasn’t too bad.

 

Ashok then took us to a couple of city sights – firstly the city park which is named after a “freedom fighter” and contains a 14^th century monument which is undergoing restoration and then onto a Hindu temple which sat many steps up on top of a hill.

The temperature was 37 at 9.30 and rose steadily through the morning and by late morning was at 41 degrees which is barely tolerable so after picking up Sherry’s saree and buying some bananas and mangoes from a fruit cart we went to Ashok’s house.

 

A bunch of around 15 bananas and 3 mangoes cost the equivalent of $3.75

 

Ashok cooked lunch, he is quite a dab hand in the kitchen, and as seems to be the norm a siesta type period commences as it is too hot to be out and about. The two girls don’t seem to recognise siesta time as they were all over Sherry and me, tugging at my glasses, pushing the buttons on Sherry’s watch and then playing makeshift games with our phones and the aircon remote.

After mid-afternoon we decided to go for a stroll, Ashok having gone somewhere else in the village, and as we did we met up with him and went visiting the widow of another friend.

 

This friend was a policeman and, I think, was killed on duty on the same day that one of Ashok’s daughters was born.

 

There was a group of around 6 at this house and we spent quite sometime standing around in a group talking, showing photos from my phone of our family, watching the lady of the house milk a buffalo, drinking hot fresh buffalo milk and listening to banter between the folk.

 

The lady then came back to Ashok’s place and she, Gita and Sherry then went off to the local tailor where Sherry was measured for a blouse to go under the saree.

 

By this time we were very unsure of what was happening as yesterday there was the indication of going to another wedding in the evening so I asked Ashok and was told it was “cancelled” and that we were going to the sangeet for Sapna the village girl whose wedding we have come for.

 

We went back to the hotel to change and returned to the village where Bollywood type music was starting to blare out through an impressive piece of kit.

 

Sapna and her cousin were dancing as we watched from Ashok’s house before Sapna came over and urged us to join in! A sangeet is a night before the wedding where the woman get together and dance the night away so I was, thankfully, less encouraged to join in but Sherry was not afforded that luxury and was “pulled” into the centre of floor numerous times.

 

What started off as a group of two dancing ended up with a large group of ladies, young, old and in between, filling one of the streets in the village enjoying themselves until around 11.

Ashok and his family then returned us to the hotel to end our day which at times was somewhat stressful.

Village life is very hard, especially for the women, but the familial aspects are what makes it special.

We have been offered drinks from numerous water sources, in numerous different cups by so many folk who live in below average, by our standards at least, conditions that it will be a small miracle if we don’t get the dreaded Delhi belly!